One more year

The things that make up a life. It’s hard to see, after years and years of living, how all the things that make us into what we are sit in our personalities. It’s hard to see how things that happened when we were twelve still affect us today. They get buried into the back of our memories and seem to be forgotten. They’re not. They snap onto our lives and build a spot for the next little thing to snap onto. I’m getting close to another birthday and as I do I start to get thoughtful. It’s a new thing for me, this worrying about my age but I guess it’s still better than the alternative.

I’ve enjoyed a few nights of solitude this week. During those hours alone I thought back on all the bits and pieces I could remember. I was reminded of things I’d forgotten, some which might be better forgotten. Things I did or said as a kid, as a young man, as an old git. The process hasn’t hurt me. I feel a lot more connected these days to who I am and I actually quite like me.

I can’t help but wonder at what the next thing will be, what it will feel like, where it will snap onto me. For certain, though, after this week, I’ll be watching for them, these snap on bits, and I’ll recognise them for what they are: building blocks.

There’s no way to change the past and no way to control the future. We live with what we’ve done and try to do a good job of it.